Uneasy lies the head

1 year later

kingsfall — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 06:04:56 +0000

I know no one reads my blog. Millions of us blog knowing no one will ever read what we write. In an odd sort of way it’s rather comforting. A few dozen posts (many deleted) and a little over a year later, it’s sad how little has changed in my life. All my problems are the same.

I had dinner with my grandmother earlier, she went off on a rather sudden rant about how important family is, and how unreliable friends are in the long run. My aunt completely ignored what she was saying, as is her usual custom. I pretended to do the same. It was not the first time I had heard her say this. But I thought about the state of my life now, and it reminded me, my mother often told me the same thing when I was a child. And as a child I had always felt the opposite was true. Why even say such things to a child? I blamed it on hokey Chinese beliefs.

I suppose the irony is, I grew up not feeling close to any of my family members. And now that I am older and many friends are moving on with their lives, I am neither close to my friends nor my family. Even when I was a school-boy, surrounded by my friends, it had always been my greatest fear I would grow old and die alone.

I often wonder if I could speak to the boy I was, what advice would I give, and would the boy even listen?

LUNA SEA – Shine

kingsfall — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:28:02 +0000

All the translations for the lyrics to this I’ve seen are terrible. I was going to submit this to animelyrics but they have a translation test which I apparently failed (I don’t see how unless they didn’t read my submission at all) so I’ll just post it here. Feel free to post it anywhere else, if you want to give me credit that’d be nice but I don’t care.

何を信じているかなんて　そんなこと問題じゃない

しらけてるこの街を　スピードでふりきって

Naniwo shinjiteirukanante sonnakoto mondaijanai

Shiraketeru kono machiwo SPEED-de furikitte

“What do you believe in?” That’s not a problem

get outta this boring town ASAP

今　キミが感じてる　その想いだけに賭けて

彩やかなイメージ通り　そう君の想い通りに

Ima kimiga kanjiteru sono omoidakeni kakete

Azayakana IMAGE-douri sou kimino omoidourini

What you’re feelin’ right now, just bet on it

Vivid just like you imagined, that’s right, just the way you want

燃え上がる太陽は　誰のもとにも登から

長すぎる明日を待つより　今　時を駆け抜けろ

Moeagaru taiyouwa dareno motonimo noborukara

Nagasugiru asuwo matsuyori ima tokiwo kakenukero

Because the burnin’ sun is rising up next to someone somewhere

Instead of waiting for a morning that’s too long, now, run past time itself

君は生きる意味　探すけど　輝いてからでも遅くない

君は愛の意味　探すけど　そう迷わずに抱き締めて　Your Mind

Kimiwa ikiru imi sagasukedo kagayaitekarademo osokunai

Kimiwa aino imi sagasukedo sou mayowazuni dakishimete Your mind

You’re looking for the meaning of life, you could let it shine first and it won’t be too late

You’re looking for the meaning of love, that’s right go ahead and embrace it, your mind

夢を見ていたいのさ　あきらめたりせずに

出来るだけの事を　時が足りない程さ

Yumewo miteitainosa akirametarisezuni

Dekirudakeno kotowo tokiga tarinaihodosa

I just wanna dream, without giving up or anything

Whatever I can do, so much that I don’t have enough time for it

夢を見ていられたら　時々は壊れよう

この胸に刻んだ　この熱は冷めやしない

Yumewo mite iraretanara tokidokiwa kowareyou

Kono muneni kizanda kono netsuwa sameyashinai

If we dream, let’s be broken from time to time

It’s carved into my heart, this fever ain’t gonna cool down

君は生きる意味　探すけど　輝いてからでも遅くはない

君は愛の意味　探すけど　そう迷わずに抱き締めて　Your Mind

今以上すべてが　輝けばいいね

Kimiwa ikiru imi sagasukedo kagayaitekarademo osokunai

Kimiwa aino imi sagasukedo mou mayowazuni dakishimete Your mind

Imaijou subetega kagayakebaiine

You’re looking for the meaning of life, you could let it shine first and it won’t be too late

You’re looking for the meaning of love, that’s right go ahead and embrace it, your mind

It’d be nice if everything shined more than it does now

何を信じているかなんて　そんなこと問題じゃない

しらけてるこの街を　スピードでふりきって

Naniwo shinjiteirukanante sonnakoto mondaijanai

Shiraketeru kono machiwo SPEED-de furikitte

“What do you believe in?” That’s not a problem

get outta this boring town ASAP

今　キミが感じてる　その想いだけに賭けて

彩やかなイメージ通り　そう君の想い通りに

Ima kimiga kanjiteru sono omoidakeni kakete

Azayakana IMAGE-douri sou kimino omoidourini

What you’re feelin’ right now, just bet on it

Vivid just like you imagined, that’s right, just the way you want

燃え上がる太陽は　誰のもとにも登から

長すぎる明日を待つより　今　時を駆け抜けろ

Moeagaru taiyouwa dareno motonimo noborukara

Nagasugiru asuwo matsuyori ima tokiwo kakenukero

Because the burnin’ sun is rising up next to someone somewhere

Instead of waiting for a morning that’s too long, now, run past time itself

Good night, and good bye. I miss you friend.

kingsfall — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 23:08:23 +0000

I put my cat to sleep today.

About a year ago, he had a problem that the doctors couldn’t accurately diagnose even after being hospitalized for 6 days. They put him on IV and eventually his appetite returned on it’s own. By the time I got him back, I had paid over $3000 in bills. I had to sell my guitar.

When I took him to the vet today, I thought that he would need a few teeth removed. But when I asked the doctor for her frank opinion, she said she was pretty sure it was a relapse of what he previously had. It would cost at least $1000 to hospitalize him and find out for sure what was wrong. When I told her that I simply couldn’t afford that, we started to discuss my other options, and it was clear to me that without paying for the best care I could get, I would only be prolonging his suffering. Even putting him to sleep cost almost $300, although at the moment it hadn’t occured to me how ridiculous that was.

He was my best friend. I feel so guilty. I hope he can forgive me.

EKUSU….KYARIBAAAAAAAA~

kingsfall — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:48:12 +0000

Not that anyone who actually cares would be looking at my blog for this info but, apparently the original Fate/Stay Night game has been fully translated to English by the folks over at mirror moon (http://mirrormoon.org/) as of November 1st. I can’t speak to the quality of the translation as I no longer have the game installed, but being able to play it in English at all is a great opportunity for non-Japanese speakers out there. You’ll have to grab a copy of the game, pretty readily available by torrent, and from there it seems to be a simple patching process as far as I can tell. I might be re-installing it to try it out, as I actually never got through the original. Due to my inability to read most kanji without a dictionary, it’s a huge pain in the ass. Somehow I was able to repeatedly finish the fandisc/psuedo sequel (hollow/ataraxia) without any problem though. I guess it was the difference in tone that made it much easier to read.

Ptooey

kingsfall — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 14:25:21 +0000

I just woke up covered in spit. I had a dream in which I was explaining how I used cat ear medicine on my cat, except I had the brilliant idea to use it on myself as an example. The stuff went right into my mouth and I started to spit it out right on the spot, but apparently I was doing the exact same thing in bed. Lovely way to start the day.

twitch

kingsfall — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 03:40:03 +0000

Lovely day. I lost 6000 dollars in investments (probably even more come tomorrow morning when I decide to move the rest of what I have left) and my crush returned my call to tell me she’s working all week. Did I misread her? I dunno. I guess it’s good that I don’t drink or I’d be puking through my nose right about now. I wish some execs on Wall St. would start jumping out of windows. I know it won’t happen but it would sure brighten things up for me.

Mm~ this sandwich tastes so young and impudent!

kingsfall — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:02:29 +0000

I miss school lunch. It’s been almost 10 years since I can last remember having a sloppy joe. This is not completely a rose-colored glasses thing. For one, to this day I am still disgusted with how milk is served with every single dish, be it pizza or BBQ chicken, or whatever inappropriate lunch they are serving that does not go with milk at all. Still, there’s something about questionable ‘meat’ that is just plain delicious.

On an unrelated note, I’m supposed to call that little crush of mine this weekend to setup a date for the upcoming Jewish holiday we have next week. Why does the weather in this city always turn to shit at the most inopportune times? I hate playing the game honestly. It’s not something I’ve ever done well, and more importantly it’s not something I tend to win at. As a matter of fact, it’s very much unlike a game and very much like work as far as I’m concerned.

I’d like to call her right now just to chat seeing as how I’ve done diddly the entire day and have nothing to do for the rest of it. But I’d hate to ruin it by coming on too strong. Especially since I know she works two jobs and takes classes 4 times a week.

I sure could go for a sloppy joe.

Where is your god now?

kingsfall — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:25:05 +0000

I consider myself a strict atheist. Despite this, I have prayed sincerely a handful of times within my life. Whether or not it was ever done properly I couldn’t say, but it was from the heart. Just now, it happened in a dream. Does that count?

I was Superman, and I was saving a world from impending doom. A comically large and perfectly round red meteor was descending upon the planet FFVII style. The dream is starting to fade into the fringes of my memory so I don’t remember exactly how the people were being saved. Somehow I was getting them off the planet. (My own wife and child, by putting them on a train…wtf?) The problem was, some of the people refused to leave. One group of ‘superheroes’ that were well loved but no longer very strong, refused to leave. In fact, someone in their fold had just given birth while the meteor was looming over head. At this little shrine they had, I prayed for God, someone, or anyone to save these people who refused to be saved by me.

In the middle of this dream, it was starting to break between first and third person, and I had already realized why these heroes were being killed. On the new planet we were going to, the villains were already so strong that these heroes would no longer be of any practical use. They were getting a dignified death. Even so, I could not remember the last time I felt quite so sad.

lol NY

kingsfall — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 05:24:20 +0000

I saw a hit and run for the first time in my life today. Well, I didn’t see it very well, I mostly heard the thump and I saw the guy crumpled on the floor struggling to get up. I stopped in my tracks and starting sweating. I thought I should go over and help, but a crowd of people were already helping him, and in a couple of minutes there was an ambulance there. It sounded like police were on the way too, but the car that hit him was long gone. It was such a bizarre thing to see, I hope the guy who got hit gets to sue.

Nevar 4get?

kingsfall — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:16:05 +0000

Well it came and went again this year. I do feel lucky that no one I know was hurt today 7 years ago. Some of my family were watching it happen with their own eyes while I watched the reports on a TV in a dorm room on Long Island. My parents and the rest of my family in that generation used to talk about how they vividly remember the day JFK was shot. It feels weird to understand that feeling, and weirder still to know there is a generation out there now that will hear the same story from people my age. There used to be a little Japanese import store in WTC. It wasn’t even very good, but it’s funny how the absurdity of what happened can make you remember silly details like that. I hope the owners/workers of that store survived that day and are doing okay today.